This piece is a fabric sculpture of a wedding dress embroidered with Persian words, which have crystallized in the bottom. Wedding dresses are symbolic dresses that every girl can wear, and the story on them can be the story of her life, the story I had written while I was experiencing sexual violence six years ago. Borax crystals are used on the dress to give it a sugary appearance. As I mentioned previously, sugar and sugar cones play an important role in Iranian wedding ceremonies. The idea of crystallization that began with sugar and ended with Borax crystals intrigues me. Sugar as something sweet and Borax as a toxic material are on the opposite side of the coin for me, since love and sexual violence have been aspects of the same coin. From the back of the dress, the audience will see threads going up and attaching to the ceiling. Since the back of the dress looks like a giant mess, I tried to keep the threads visible. For me, you see the dress as something sewn beautifully and have no idea what she has to go through in his life to accomplish that beauty. The story written on the dress is:
I was thinking it was about time he shows up, and it was right then that he rang the bell, I took my head out of the window and said “is it you”? he said, “yes it’s me, can I come upstairs?” I said “no, I’m not home obviously”, and he left.
I thought he would definitely come back, I went down and stood in the alley, I saw him staring at me, I said “when did you come?” he said “last night”, I said “uh-huh, that’s why I was feeling strange, when did you leave then?”, he said “this morning I think”, I said “do you have scissors?”, he said “no, what for?”, I said “to cut this thread that bonds us”, he said “thread?”, I said “uh-huh, yeah, don’t you see it, something connects you to my heart, I feel when you leave, I feel when you come back, I feel when you laugh.”
“I even felt”, he said “what?”, I said “nothing, are you OK?”, he said “me, um, so so”.
I said, “you forgot again to take your pills?” he said “yes”, I said “come here darling, take these to revive”.
He said, “would you stay with me a little longer?” I said “no it’s late, I should go”, he said “hold on, I’ll make tea”, I said “real tea?”, he said “yes”, I turned around and saw he had bought a kettle, I said “your house smells”, he said “smells what?”, I said “smells like a woman, your bedding is new, your house is clean, you drink tea”, he laughed, I said “well, I should go now”, he said “stay for a while”, I said “no, your scent would make me forget all things again”, he said “all of what things?”, “that I had packed my suitcase”, I said “I asked you for scissors”, he said “I don’t have any”, I said “bring a knife then, it can’t remain like this, it should be cut”, he said “where is its beginning?”, I said “I don’t know, I just know it ends in my heart”, he laughed, I said “you laugh a lot, are you drunk?”, he said “not yet, would you stay for the night?”, I said “I’m always here, not in person, but I’m with you”, he said “did you cut it?”, I said “no, I fear to lose you then, or you call me some day and I do not hear you, let it be, just don’t go too far away, the thread might not be able to break after all and it would tear my heart out, I’m afraid”, he said “of what?”, “that everyone finds out”, he laughed, he said “you’re crazy”, I said “I’d go upstairs, come and ring the bell and I’d say I’m not home”, he said “no, not like this”, I said “alright, what was your unit number? 15? I’d go and ring the bell, don’t open the door and say they have left, that way I convince myself that no one lives there”, he said “OK”, I went downstairs and rang the bell, he didn’t open, someone tapped on my shoulder and said “what do you want here lady?”, I said “haven’t you seen a gentleman passing here?”, he said “no, there isn’t any house here”, he was right, I said “mister, do you have pills?” he said “do you have a prescription?”, I said “no, but you would give him without prescription”, he said “uh-huh, he left, and took all the pills with him”, I said “how should I get better now?”, he looked at me, said “nobody has died because of love, if you die, spit in my face”, I laughed, I was leaving, I said “this is my card, just bring amaryllis when you visit my grave”.
